Hi Jane

I completely deny all accusations made against me. It is a definition of our time that the ‘wandering hand syndrome’ can no longer be forgiven – we work in the film industry for goodness sake!

Please take this no further, otherwise I will crush you; just like how I am winning against the dying woke dyke culture. 

On a brighter note, would you like to open a 2001 Margot with me this evening?

Happy wishes and lots of love,

Wormtail. 

All charges were pressed.